EXPRESSIVE RESTORATIONS

These drawings are physical representations of my own cognitive distortions. I describe my earlier works as transcendental expressionism; because when we share similar cognitive reactions to a singular work then it transcends it from a singular experience to a shared experience. When I begin a drawing during a time of cognitive duress with the intention of processing my emotions it becomes my attempt to expel the emotions and thought patterns out of myself and into a safe space. Sometimes I begin a drawing out of boredom and like to see where it takes me. As a creative spirit, those are moments I consider myself lost. That is how “Village” transformed from “Snow.” When I began to think about the Rorschach tests and how spilled ink could turn into an image—I thought “I wonder what my emotionally charged expressive drawings would turn into?” What I found is that they sometimes look like new neurological pathways being formed. And other times they took on more literal forms.

“Nuclear Fallout” is a physical representation of my blocked throat chakra. It was one of the first drawings I did during my separation with my husband (and kids). After many drawings in this series “The Clearing” is my throat chakra as the focal point. The caged bones in “Nuclear Fallout” have become trees that bare leaves that produce oxygen for us to breathe. I am choosing to see these two drawings as anchor points in a healing journey that sometimes feels like a  descent into madness. Like the iceberg effect these cognitive restorations show that the magnitude of an event is far greater than what we initially see.

I believe “Earth Sn0b” is an exuberant manifestation of my love for the first children’s book my sister and I created called “Bug Stew.” My favorite page is the praying mantises. I even created a Mantis Chinoiserie print for items in our store. Everything in this work speaks of joy to me: the curiously gaudy caves throwing up gold and crystals, the mantis front and center, her arms raised as if she is calming a crowd waiting for her to speak, and the opulent colors my mind gravitated towards.

The more obscure in style and theme is that of “Cotillion.” When I began the drawing, it somewhat resembled an adobe hut with a large plant reaching towards the sun. When I expanded the drawing, it took on a much more sophisticated look and made me think of cotillions and all the cultural and social nuances I find so complex in our societies. The swan-like figures also transform into frog legs when I am looking for a new perspective. The scene itself looks like you are entering a courtyard beyond the threshold of two howling, fantastical creatures.

“Lamaze” is without a doubt about my first pregnancy with my daughter, and I named it Lamaze before even reaching that conclusion. I looked at it and said Lamaze. The center made me think about breathing in a space that felt extremely energetically charged. When I began to really analyze these drawing restorations, I was prompted to remember how alien my body felt while I was pregnant. I look like a giant insect being dissected, and indeed, the original distortion is called “di sect.” I didn’t know where this drawing would take me, and I am quite certain I would not have come to the conclusion that it was a manifestation of myself without completing the “restoration.” She was born in breech position, and my womb was full of meconium.

“Sky Swell” is a depiction of leaving a mindframe to find clarity. I love that it looks almost like a slide and that everything surrounding it is water. I have had a dream about a bridge like this, but it took me back to my childhood home. This one could be taking me anywhere, and I really love that. I often get stuck in a nostalgic past that is extremely heavy to carry. This drawing makes me feel like it will all just wash away.

“The Burrows” could have multiple interpretations, but I think it actually might be about my kids and my love of a book called “The Magic Bunny.” In the book, a bunny rests all day and then stays awake all night to guard the sleeping children. However, the poppy buds depicted in the foreground were specifically chosen by me to fit this work into the botanicals section of my transcendental expressionistic works. But I wanted more for “Bunny Love.” This work is about my son.  I want to be sympathetic to the scrutiny he might face. The wars men have fought and how all of our decisions shape and transform our land. And the absurdity that he may face by going to war someday. If his faith in everything falters, he will still have the magic bunny on guard.

“Sing” began to pay homage to mother. She suffered from dementia and I describe watching her mental state deteriorate to feeling like I had already buried her several times—as she would forget herself more I would grieve the mother I had always known. It began as an abstract drawing of butterfly wings—using colors that felt saturated and heavy while still remembering the vitality of her spirit. I had already created “Nuclear Fallout” and when this drawing kept closing in I knew it would become one of my restorations. I did not expect what unfolded though. I saw two different images depending on the folding bias—an iris and a snake. The drawing began as butterfly wings remembering one of my favorite moments with my mother in a butterfly garden. I chose to name it “Sing” because she loved my singing voice and was always encouraging me to sing louder.